December 2, 2008 at 6:46 pm 11 comments

my kids are kind of annoying lately with whiny responses, lying, disobedience.  you know, kid stuff.  i consider what i have to talk about, what is occupying our days and this is all that is in my head.  this is why i don’t update often.  if you publish how annoying your kids are it makes it seem like a big deal when really it is just normal life’s ebb and flow.  we had 2 weeks of stomach bug descending on mckaela, me and eli.  mike welcomed an enduring cold instead.  i keep telling him he lucked out but he isn’t totally buying it.  mike is pretty patient with my moodiness.  he bears the cost of the kid’s wearing me out.  some months he seems needier than others.  but the last few weeks he has not joined in the whining in our house.  it has been a welcome reprieve for us relationally to not feel like there are three kids here for me to raise.  i feel like he is on my team again.  maybe he feels like i am on his too.  i am not sure. 

thanksgiving was wonderful.  a family actually cooked and brought over a fabulous dinner for us and mike was wheeled up to the table to eat and enjoy.  he preferred most the mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie.  and decided he had eaten too much as he laid in bed later.  it was just like normal again!…kind of!  mike’s parents joined us for a long weekend and spruced up our house with various needed projects.  that kind of felt like normal again too–mike was always conniving them into slave labor and i have been too soft on them in recent years.  we were all sad to see them head back to ohio.

i haven’t felt really inspirational lately.  i have been switching to the outside of this experience and keeping up with the websites of some families in our lives experiencing tragedies of their own.  it is strange to sit on the outside looking in on their lives, identifying with much of the mix of emotions, frustrations and surreal feel of life they describe.  it is odd to pray and prod my family into daily prayer for these families.  to hope that i am doing all possible to love them from the distance i am–relationally, physically or ability-wise.  it feels like i ought to have so much more to offer from the places we have been.

mostly i just feel like this life is a miracle.  it is annoying and smelly and tiring and ill-tempered and miraculous.  it makes no sense how it fits together.  how i can want to squish my kids in anger and in love.  how i can find this husband too much and also just what i need.  how there are too many websites listing too much sorrow and there can still be a God that holds the pieces of our hearts together and “binds up our wounds” (Ps 147:3).  i guess i feel like it might be nice if i felt like i had more inspiration to offer but miraculously i also feel ok with simply living in awe day to day that God can work with me– a short-tempered, worn, child myself.  and this miracle of today doesn’t need to make sense and it is no less a miracle when my car smells like vomit or there is another family to pray for or life doesn’t go our way.  i will simply live in awe at how God offers hope in darkest nights during this season of celebrating the hope of the world born into the smelliest place, a barn on earth.


Entry filed under: updates.

11/1/08 — Mike is eating again! 12/27/08

11 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Mitzi Kalin  |  December 2, 2008 at 9:16 pm

    Hi Michelle;
    Thank you for your thoughts. As always, they inspire emotion and admiration of God and how He works. Mike was talking about you the other day – he was helping me with a ‘boundary issue’ I was having by remembering your “wise and godly” dealings. Thanks for being such an influence.

  • 2. Nancy Gervel  |  December 2, 2008 at 10:08 pm

    MIchelle, you have such a gift of words. When you write, I feel, hear, see, smell, rejoice, grieve! You always pull out something positive, and in so doing shame us into ceasing the complaints that are trivial and nonsensical. In your whirlwind of struggles and triumphs, please know an attentive audience sits back in awe and sees a genuine, real child of God in YOU!

  • 3. Matt Koupal  |  December 4, 2008 at 5:00 pm

    Can I have the publishing rights to what you write? I’m serious. I don’t think you know the power of your story.

  • 4. karin Rodriguez  |  December 6, 2008 at 12:04 am

    Michelle, you are so real and honest, the very thing I love most about you!!! So thankful that you all got over the flu and had an enjoyable Thanksgiving. Maybe we could get together to share stories of annoying yet lovable kids and help each other see how God is in the midst of it all. Thank you for always directing my eyes to God!!!

    Love to all and God bless,
    Thanks for the movie date hope you had fun.

  • 5. emily bishop  |  December 6, 2008 at 11:08 pm

    All I can say is wow….your words inspire me, humble me and encourage me to be more like Christ, which I soooooo see in YOU! God work in you and THROUGH you to encourage all of us in this earthly journey….

    And I smile when I think of Mike loving those mashed potatoes! The simple joys……

    Thank you for ministering to me.



  • 6. Nancy Rice  |  December 13, 2008 at 7:48 am

    Michelle, Michelle, Michelle!!!!! You simply MUST consider writing your experience as a memior. In all seriousness, your writing is poetic and simple and beautiful – just like you. Many many people will read and learn and live closer to God than even do now. You are a blessing!

  • 7. Matt Koupal  |  December 16, 2008 at 4:18 pm

    Hey Mike-

    It was great to see you at Young Life Access last Friday night. And congrats to your daughter on bringing home that wonderful Christmas gag gift (the plastic rat). I wish I’d have gotten that.

    Merry Christmas!

  • 8. srnixdorf  |  December 19, 2008 at 11:13 am

    Yah for your parents coming up and helping you with holiday decorations etc. Been spending so much time with Lancewell’s website alot lately so sorry I haven’t gotten a chance to drop you a note.
    Have merry Christmas.

  • 9. Sarah Nixdorf  |  December 23, 2008 at 2:08 pm

    Congralulations and have yourself a merry Christmas. Mike I’m proud of you.

  • 10. emily bishop  |  December 26, 2008 at 8:54 pm

    Thinking of you today…praying that you had a peaceful and fun Christmas with those two little balls of fire! Wondering how that soft food is tasting????



  • 11. Heather Schmidt  |  February 8, 2009 at 11:07 pm

    Just wanted you guys to know that I am thinking of you! Not sure how often you check the site anymore. You are in our prayers. If you have anything specific let me know, but we are praying for healing! God Bless!

    Love and prayers,
    Heather Schmidt


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