6/24/08

First and foremost before i ramble on…

wOrsHip at 7 pm at zegarski’s THIS FRIDAY, june 27th

then every other friday at 7 pm–  July 11, July 25, and August 8

it is laidback, sometimes empty, sometimes squished, and always lovely!

ok, i know the updates are few and far between.  and frustratingly so.  sorry.  i have an unusual break for myself which i will share with you.  don’t we all kind of compartmentalize and deal with just the one thing that needs attention at the moment?  i struggle to know what to share here because sitting and thinking opens the floodgates of all that goes on and vies for attention and prayer and concern.  it is probably a great thing to only be capable of worrying/handling one thing at a time.  and sometimes i do believe i shelter a bit, not knowing for sure which information would be awkward to have everyone know about, and not able to have personal conversations to clarify details that don’t come through this telling.  but for the sake of simply assuming any subject could be blessed with prayer and for the sake of my own tiredness in deciding which warrants sharing and which doesn’t–here is a month or more of random thoughts and issues…

mike is still doing his best by far.  he is easier to engage in conversation than ever before.  he enjoys company.  he is funny.  and he is grateful for people’s care and time.  our caregiver, don, keeps up with the exercises they learned at marianjoy and mike seems reasonably motivated to do some arm lifting , for example, even by himself without prompting.

yesterday we hung a wiffle ball on a string above his bed so he can use a stick to bat it when he is sitting up.  mcKaela and eli  were immediately drawn in and the three of them were camped out on his bed taking turns and cheering each other on with “give it a BIG whack!”  it was a ton of fun to watch even from the grandstands.  the game helps mike use muscles in his arms but also strengthens hopefully his neck if he lifts it to see and aim better as well as his eyes to focus and aim.  it also improves his reflexes in hitting a moving target.  so, good times!

i get frustrated because sometimes mike seems dissatisfied with the only entertainment options i can think of offering.  he doesn’t always like going to a park or parties or whatever.  he passes on most tv shows we used to enjoy together and often asks me to stop movies after 10 minutes.  he will just say he doesn’t like it.  which leaves us with a limited menu of reruns on tv and quiet time in his room.  he makes good use of the quiet by praying a lot but it is an isolating habit.

i ignorantly canceled the medicare mike becomes eligible for in september because i believed our insurance coverage with CHIP would last.  it does not and i had to go through some hoops to get the medicare reinstated for september.  this was probably miraculous.  and wearying.  i do get unreasonably emotionally exhausted when i deal with insurance stuff.  God has been so gracious in caring for our every need.  even when i am told no, God seems to make them come back eventually with a yes.  but i do get sick to my stomach heading into what feels like a battle to me.  going to the social security office today wondering if i have just lost ourselves coverage until 2009 made me feel like poor Gideon? heading to war with no security.  your stomachache makes you feel mismatched and then later i realize i certainly was mismatched.  i had the almighty GOD on MY side.  no doubt he would prevail.

and the other weight that periodically demands attention is a malpractice lawsuit that we have filed.  it is complicated and intimidating and uncomfortable for me.  honestly, i don’t like focusing on an injustice and counting out the details.  it is not how i desire to approach life.  mike did feel compelled to file based on the facts of his medical experience and treatment history.  sometimes i enjoy the luxury of forgetting about that and sometimes i don’t.

things go well and not well and everday i do not head to a hospital feels pretty blessed.  the funny thing is looking back at entries for so many days i headed to the hospital and reading that we felt pretty blessed through those days too.  i guess all is still grace.

thanks for hanging in there with us even in the dark at times,  michelle