June 24, 2008 at 7:14 pm 19 comments

First and foremost before i ramble on…

wOrsHip at 7 pm at zegarski’s THIS FRIDAY, june 27th

then every other friday at 7 pm–  July 11, July 25, and August 8

it is laidback, sometimes empty, sometimes squished, and always lovely!

ok, i know the updates are few and far between.  and frustratingly so.  sorry.  i have an unusual break for myself which i will share with you.  don’t we all kind of compartmentalize and deal with just the one thing that needs attention at the moment?  i struggle to know what to share here because sitting and thinking opens the floodgates of all that goes on and vies for attention and prayer and concern.  it is probably a great thing to only be capable of worrying/handling one thing at a time.  and sometimes i do believe i shelter a bit, not knowing for sure which information would be awkward to have everyone know about, and not able to have personal conversations to clarify details that don’t come through this telling.  but for the sake of simply assuming any subject could be blessed with prayer and for the sake of my own tiredness in deciding which warrants sharing and which doesn’t–here is a month or more of random thoughts and issues…

mike is still doing his best by far.  he is easier to engage in conversation than ever before.  he enjoys company.  he is funny.  and he is grateful for people’s care and time.  our caregiver, don, keeps up with the exercises they learned at marianjoy and mike seems reasonably motivated to do some arm lifting , for example, even by himself without prompting.

yesterday we hung a wiffle ball on a string above his bed so he can use a stick to bat it when he is sitting up.  mcKaela and eli  were immediately drawn in and the three of them were camped out on his bed taking turns and cheering each other on with “give it a BIG whack!”  it was a ton of fun to watch even from the grandstands.  the game helps mike use muscles in his arms but also strengthens hopefully his neck if he lifts it to see and aim better as well as his eyes to focus and aim.  it also improves his reflexes in hitting a moving target.  so, good times!

i get frustrated because sometimes mike seems dissatisfied with the only entertainment options i can think of offering.  he doesn’t always like going to a park or parties or whatever.  he passes on most tv shows we used to enjoy together and often asks me to stop movies after 10 minutes.  he will just say he doesn’t like it.  which leaves us with a limited menu of reruns on tv and quiet time in his room.  he makes good use of the quiet by praying a lot but it is an isolating habit.

i ignorantly canceled the medicare mike becomes eligible for in september because i believed our insurance coverage with CHIP would last.  it does not and i had to go through some hoops to get the medicare reinstated for september.  this was probably miraculous.  and wearying.  i do get unreasonably emotionally exhausted when i deal with insurance stuff.  God has been so gracious in caring for our every need.  even when i am told no, God seems to make them come back eventually with a yes.  but i do get sick to my stomach heading into what feels like a battle to me.  going to the social security office today wondering if i have just lost ourselves coverage until 2009 made me feel like poor Gideon? heading to war with no security.  your stomachache makes you feel mismatched and then later i realize i certainly was mismatched.  i had the almighty GOD on MY side.  no doubt he would prevail.

and the other weight that periodically demands attention is a malpractice lawsuit that we have filed.  it is complicated and intimidating and uncomfortable for me.  honestly, i don’t like focusing on an injustice and counting out the details.  it is not how i desire to approach life.  mike did feel compelled to file based on the facts of his medical experience and treatment history.  sometimes i enjoy the luxury of forgetting about that and sometimes i don’t.

things go well and not well and everday i do not head to a hospital feels pretty blessed.  the funny thing is looking back at entries for so many days i headed to the hospital and reading that we felt pretty blessed through those days too.  i guess all is still grace.

thanks for hanging in there with us even in the dark at times,  michelle

Entry filed under: updates.

6/3/08 late sunday july 20

19 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Barb Hamilton  |  June 25, 2008 at 6:59 am

    Michelle, I’m so thankful for your updates on Mike’s recovery. When I look at the website EVERYDAY I always get SO excited when there is something new you share with us! Mike WILL continue to improve . God wants us to ask for the desire of our hearts and Mike’s recovery is the desire of his, yours, and countless others like us that have been touched in a varielty of ways by your lives. But today my prayers will be specifically about and for you. Yes, I’m sure it is difficult decerning what to share and what not to share. And yes to expose our fears, vulnerability, and mistakes is humbling. But praying for specifics is so important, and now you have given us more “meat” to pray about. For that I THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME HELP YOU! Today, rest in the love and concern so many people near and far have for you in HUGE challenge.

  • 2. katie and dick  |  June 25, 2008 at 8:22 am

    thought of you yesterday in psalm 142:
    “..when my spirit grows faint within me it is You who know my way…. ” little did I know that you were facing a giant (in the form of the soc. sec. office) praise God that he knows our way. Prayers today for Mike’s motivation and attention–and praise for his continued spirit of thankfulness and his desire for prayer. and praise for his work in you, Michelle–in persevering faithfully one step at a time through bunk beds and legal hoops and wiffle balls….

  • 3. Steve Fisher  |  June 25, 2008 at 11:50 am

    Hello Michelle:

    Thanks for the update. I sense a lonliness that comes from not having a complete partner. I think this is a reasonable response to all you are going through. I was at “club” at our non-YL christian camp and heard a young woman share about Jesus’ encounter with the crippled man at the pool of Bethsesda. It was obvious to anyone who knew about the pool that the man was there to be healed. Much more that God would know what this man was thinking, feeling! So why did Jesus ask him if he wanted to get well? Jesus already knew the answers but he asked anyway.

    He wants to hear from us. It is so good that you share all of what is going on with us – it is part of our prayer life. With you, for you – with us. I do not know how, but He will fill that lonliness. You are a faithful warrior. Continue to stand. As you can, rest in His love! Blessings on you, Mike and the kids.


  • 4. Matt Koupal  |  June 25, 2008 at 12:13 pm

    Hey Michelle and Mike:

    I hear you about the medical malpractice thing. Luke had some surgery which should have been minor, and things went very bad. More surgery to correct the first, and then the stonewalling started. I am the insurance admin guy where I work so I know how the “system” works, and I still got the huge runaround. When they billed me for the second surgery to correct the poor work from the first time around-I went nuts. Not so much from the few dollars on the bill, but from the raw emotions and the pain my little guy had to endure at the hands of the seemingly uncaring medical system. I wanted to represent Christ first and foremost so I prayed and prayed and prayed to feel forgiveness toward those involved before I called to deal with them. But I never felt justice was done, or that repentance was sought by those involved, which still is a little tender (can you tell?). But I guess to expect justice on this side of heaven is not too realistic, is it?

    I will pray for you intensely as you walk this road you need to walk. I will pray you represent Christ. I will pray you can submit the emotions and stress of it all to God and let Him carry it. I will pray that you reach out to others to share this burden.

    Standing with you asking for justice and grace,


  • 5. Connie  |  June 25, 2008 at 1:51 pm

    Michelle and Michael,
    I keep you covered in prayer daily and I pray for your kids and you both to find joy and strength in each day. Thanks for the updates, we do miss it when it isn’t there, but understand no news is usually good news. May God’s grace always give you strength for each day

  • 6. Ann  |  June 25, 2008 at 4:59 pm

    You won’t always be the one in charge of finding ways for your family to pass the time. I read your email today while I had 2 kids practicing musical instruments in the background (loudly), and another son playing with our dog and our preschooler asking me how to spell something. You might now be able to see it now, but sooner then you realize, your kids are going to involve you and Mike in things like listening to them while they practice their reading, or having you listen to their music scales, or singing songs they learned, and going to sports games to watch them, and it will bring new energy to your house and fill up some of that “quiet time” you mentioned.

    I had many years with very young children and the structure and flow of the day was largely determined by me. Although it brings it’s own challenges, I have to say that as they get older, we really enjoy all the acivity, seeing their personalities emerge, and it is much less mentally draining then the younger years in many ways (precious as they are), when everyone is not depending on you every second of the day. So enjoy the beginning years, but when it’s overwhelming, just think about how it’s changing each day. I believe McKaela is the same age as Quinn and will be starting kindergarten in the fall….and so the fun begins. You, better then anyone, knows that things are always changing….it’s true too for your family dynamics. Your kids are going to be more and more helpful in engaging Mike and letting him know how they need him in so many different ways. Thank you for sharing with us, it always makes me reflect and get perspective on things in my loud, busy house. We’ll keep praying for all of you.

  • 7. carol  |  June 27, 2008 at 8:40 am

    with all you have on your plate, for you to be able to organize your thoughts like you did on this update, i would have to say.”GOD is with you!!! take peace in knowing that…

  • 8. Rachel E  |  June 30, 2008 at 6:38 am

    Oh sweet Michelle, much love to you and your family!!

  • 9. Johnna Bond  |  June 30, 2008 at 8:40 pm

    I pray for you. Thank you for sharing what you do share.

  • 10. Sarah Nixdorf  |  July 1, 2008 at 2:01 pm

    Keep at it, u are doing great!

  • 11. Ben and Joy  |  July 2, 2008 at 2:41 pm

    I am blessed and awed and humbled every time I read your words. Continued prayers. See you on the 25th for worship.

  • 12. Heather Schmidt  |  July 3, 2008 at 8:11 am

    Hey Guys,

    We had such a great time hanging out with you the other day. Aaron enjoyed running around with the kids. Mike you are looking great! Keep hitting that ball! I can’t wait to see how far you can hit it next time we come by.

    God Bless you both. You are in our thoughts and prayers always. You are amazing. God is watching over every step of your day, remember that. He is caring for you in ways you can’t even imagine. Hang in there!

    Happy 4th of July! I hope you go see the fireworks!

    Love and prayers,

  • 13. christina matousek  |  July 3, 2008 at 12:24 pm

    hey beautiful!

    we are out in portland now and there are even people out here who know you. crazy how small the world is.

    love you – chris

  • 14. becca  |  July 4, 2008 at 6:47 am

    Dear Michelle,

    Hi! Its great to hear how things are going, thank you for sharing. I think of you all often, your posts are such an encouragement.

    Hope you have a great 4th!

    Becca Hughes

  • 15. Sarah Nixdorf  |  July 4, 2008 at 10:40 pm

    Have a happy 4th. Hope u are getting to see the fireworks. Get better.

  • 16. Seth Kleeberger  |  July 6, 2008 at 11:02 pm

    Hi Michelle! We haven’t spoken for a long time but wanted to give you a bit of what has been on my heart for sometime. I visit this site now and again to read the updates on Mike and am so encouraged by your example. As I read, it’s no doubt that you’ve been such a blessing to those around you as well as to your children and to Mike. Your words show such a passion for Christ and His sufficiency!!! The Gospel has made you bold, courageous and confident that God is at work. It has given you direction: even at times when you didn’t know you had any. It has given you comfort in the darkest of hours. It has picked you up and has revived your spirit. It has taught you how to love unconditionally. It has flown like a river out of you and onto others, more than you’ll ever know. Thank you for holding up the person and work of Christ for all to see. Thank you for letting his provision, in the darkest and deepest of valleys, be enough. I am encouraged. I am challenged. I am moved by your love for Christ, your love for your family and your love for others. I am moved at your trust in God’s unfailing love and provision even when blessing seems to be slow at times and so long in coming. We will continue to pray for Mike, for your children and for you, that God would continue to be your strength and you’re your shield…that His unfailing love would continue to rest on you as you continue to hope in Him. Thank you…you have taught me much!!!
    Ps 62:5-8

    Seth Kleeberger

  • 17. emily bishop  |  July 13, 2008 at 9:03 pm

    Continue to pray and check on you…..Thank the Lord for sunny days, summertime, and precious, busy kids…Is Mike still batting that ball with his twosome?



  • 18. Jennifer Knaak  |  July 15, 2008 at 9:14 pm

    just want you to know that we are still thinking about you and praying for you out here in philly! 🙂

  • 19. Heather  |  July 19, 2008 at 8:59 am

    Hi you guys!

    Sorry I haven’t been to see you lately. I think I will be there next week. I miss visiting you Mike! I continue to pray for all of you and Aaron continually does his prayer “Please help Mike”. Take care and God Bless!

    Love and prayers,


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