11/21/07 11:45 pm

November 22, 2007 at 1:10 am 7 comments

so mike and i went in for a routine CT scan today as a 6 month followup to having his skull plate put back in in April. i was teasing him that i was hungry and tired and he was depriving me of my necessities with this appointment. then while we were preparing to transfer him from his chair to the CT bed he started a seizure. we instead took him into the ER where they tried to stop the seizure which kind of endured off and on for a long time. the medicine seemed to work for a short time and then he would continue. his previous seizures last year and last march were never very long. this was a bit more remarkable. they checked some preliminary possible problems with his head shunt but ruled that out as a source of the seizures. they did get him relaxed and calm (and drugged) and he was admitted into the ICU for the next few days as they monitor and assess what went wrong. at this point we are looking at the various medications he is on and how they might be changed and adjusted. i am always torn in half. I am so relieved by nurses who go above and beyond and familiar, caring doctors who take us under their wings-again. and i am so annoyed by my familiarity with these faces and these hallways and this process. i hate that this familiarity has become comforting. no one should have spent enough time on that path from the ER to the ICU to have developed any fondness. i am also convicted that i have become used to michael being healthy. that i have taken his stability for granted. that i have not been so achingly grateful for his mild limitations for a while compared to the serious setbacks we have weathered before. i joked with him, not that he will remember (all sicknesses wipe his memory clean again), that he seems to have this passive aggressive avoidance of all holidays. He headed to the hospital originally for his birthday, then thanksgiving, then christmas eve, then he was home at easter i believe. but he headed back to the hospital to skip his birthday party and now again he has gotten out of thanksgiving. it makes me nervous about christmas.
i don’t even know what to pray for exactly… a right diagnosis? an inexplicable fluke? 2 different verses came to mind during the long seizure time. i shared with him that 1 corinthians verse reminding us that we are not our own but that we have been bought at a price. i am reminded that within the frustration of being trapped in a body that will not make sense or calm down or act logically, God still has charge. it is not our body truly and so it makes sense that it does not obey. but michael’s body belongs to God and he will make whatever sense with it that he desires. we need not try to grasp control away from the only One who can appropriately handle it. and secondly, i shared with him as he endured, unable to speak, the Romans verse which tells us that the spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. it was ok that michael couldn’t talk or voice his own needs or prayers. the spirit was most certainly appealing to the Father on mike’s behalf with no need of his help.
so happy thanksgiving, wherever you are and get to be. don’t gloss over the treasures that really hold value beyond our imagining. it is far from a childish answer to be thankful for health, for ability, for opportunity, for company, for grace. one last highlight–our neurosurgeon came to check on mike and was asking how things had been going and was utterly surprised that mike has been doing so well, even able to praticipate with his family. he shared that he had never thought he would get this far. it is always enlightening to hear an educated opinion of amazement. God’s coming through, you know. everyday, at home or hospitals.
joy, michelle

Entry filed under: updates.

11/7/07 11/23/07 3:20 pm

7 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Kathy  |  November 22, 2007 at 10:33 am

    Happy Thanksgiving to the Zs in Naperville. I am sorry for the bump in to road, and pray that it is truly just a slight bump! Your words are true to heart that we have become slightly passive in our thanksgiving for what we have, especially with Mike in mind. Sometimes we focus on what the future has (or needs) to offer instead of enjoying and giving thanks for our present. We are praying for Mike’s return home without any regression for progress.
    Enjoy your day with your family-we will be thinking of all of you. We miss you and love you all!
    Kathy and family

    Reply
  • 2. Matt Koupal  |  November 22, 2007 at 11:25 am

    Argghhh!
    Rats!
    No Fair!!!
    He was doing SO well and now this!
    Anger!
    Tears!
    Frustration!
    Sadness!
    Helplessness!
    Praying now-for Michelle, for Mike, for the Z family, for me and other co-laborers in this battle…..
    More tears now, smothered sobs, don’t want to upset the family…..
    Luke comes in, wondering what is wrong, can’t really answer…
    More prayers-just listening, not talking or asking….
    God’s peace returning, but a thorn remains, jabbing, reminding..
    Faithfulness, thankfulness, brokenness – these I need and what You want from me….
    Laboring in love and prayer,

    Matt

    Reply
  • 3. Mitzi K  |  November 22, 2007 at 9:44 pm

    Mike, Michelle,

    Know we are with you in thoughts always. As things go well, you always remind us to live in thankfulness. As the hard times come, scary circumstances or news, brief stays with kids in the hospital, wierd tests, job stress… you continue to remind us to be thankful. And as we are blessed to suffer with Christ, we are also blessed to suffer with you.
    Love,
    Mitzi and Mike

    ps
    From our last trip to Chicago, Abbi continues to name all her dolls “Kayla”.

    Reply
  • 4. Emily  |  November 22, 2007 at 10:37 pm

    I feel really sad tonight…..and frustrated about what I have just read….You are right as always – I too had taken for granted the progress Mike has made and wanting for more. I know that God will not answer “why”, but makes a way for the “how”..I know that God is so much bigger than seizures, aneurysms, and physical pain for Mike, but I want Him to perform that miracle today. I know He looks at me and wonders why I am so impatient. You, my friend, continue to experience the refiner’s fire….Praise God from whom you came and for how He equipped you….I am praying as always.

    Love,

    Emily

    Reply
  • 5. Barbara Gobrail  |  November 23, 2007 at 10:04 am

    My prayers are with you and Mike! At this time of the year, I look for a phrase, quote, saying that will be my mantra for the coming year. This morning, I opened my email and was struck for Jim Wallis’ Verse and Voice which has a scripture quote and a quote from a Christian writer. Today’s was from Brother Roger, from his book NO GREATER LOVE:
    “Rest your heart in God, let yourself float on the safe waters, loving life as it comes, with all the rough weather it may bring. Give, without counting how many years are left, not worried about surviving as long as possible.” Michelle, time to float!
    For me, it hit the nail on the head! I will make it my mantra for 2008!

    Reply
  • 6. Dave and Gail Veerman  |  November 23, 2007 at 1:07 pm

    Mike and Michelle,
    As I read the latest, this thought kept coming:

    Peace
    Peace
    Peace
    God’s peace
    We pray for you.

    We ache with you and pray for you, for healing, comfort, and his peace.

    Reply
  • 7. Heather Schmidt  |  November 23, 2007 at 1:26 pm

    Dear Z’s,

    Words cannot express the awe I continue to have for all of you. I pray for God’s peace during this time. God knows what is on all of your hearts and your prayers are being heard. Please know you are being covered in prayer each moment of the day. This “setback” is in God’s hands and all we can do is pray. God Bless!

    Love and prayers,
    Heather

    Reply

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