Archive for November, 2007

11/27/07 4:15 pm

it IS easy to forget God’s goodness when the moment you are in doesn’t live up to your desires. But God has been good and faithful and shown us that he reigns even where we did not expect. Mike has come much further than anyone with an educated guess could have predicted. it is so frustrating to still have to experience the insecurity that comes with mike’s frailties, setbacks, unknowns. but it’s frustrating because yet again, we struggle with not being god ourselves and securing ourselves according to our own designs. if i believe God is truly the God of unfailing love, then i should find peace in his providences, in whatever shape and time they come. not to say i always find peace, but i can always say, God, help me in my unbelief. and then sit back and await the unveiling of his glory… which i see in every meal, every nurse who welcomes us like family, every doctor that takes our victories as their own, every friend who prays and encourages and perseveres over the long haul with us in this lingering season of our lives. please pray that mike shares in the value of each small victory–like leaving the hospital without regressing. thanks and joy, michelle

November 27, 2007 at 5:23 pm 7 comments

11/24/07 11:40 pm

mike was able to come home tonight. i was so excited that he was able to say thanks to our sweet nurses himself as we rolled out. and we got him resettled in his own room again. now all we have to do is yank all the sticky tape off of him and scrub off the adhesive. thanks so much to all who stole a chance to visit him over the holiday weekend. it is hard calling for babysitters all the time and even getting to see him for a few hours without dragging the kids still leaves long gaps for him. he cried when i showed up to take him home. i think he sometimes just gets a bit overwhelmed but i am taking it as him really appreciating the gift it is for us to be able to have him at home. so hopefully all will stay calm and home is where he will stay. we rest in your prayers, michelle

November 25, 2007 at 12:38 am 9 comments

11/23/07 3:20 pm

just a tiny update. mike was still pretty much asleep yesterday. i am going in to see him as some friends take our kids to see the light parade but the nurse that answered my call said that he is able to be awake today for about 15 minutes at a time and that he is verbalizing words today. he said he had a headache and his leg hurt. i can’t imagine why his leg would hurt since it hasn’t hurt in a month but it is what it is. we go day by day. that is all we have for today. thanks for keeping us in prayer even when we operate in a bit of a blur. and thanks for the comments. they keep us company even when we don’t have people at our side. peace, michelle

November 23, 2007 at 4:19 pm 3 comments

11/21/07 11:45 pm

so mike and i went in for a routine CT scan today as a 6 month followup to having his skull plate put back in in April. i was teasing him that i was hungry and tired and he was depriving me of my necessities with this appointment. then while we were preparing to transfer him from his chair to the CT bed he started a seizure. we instead took him into the ER where they tried to stop the seizure which kind of endured off and on for a long time. the medicine seemed to work for a short time and then he would continue. his previous seizures last year and last march were never very long. this was a bit more remarkable. they checked some preliminary possible problems with his head shunt but ruled that out as a source of the seizures. they did get him relaxed and calm (and drugged) and he was admitted into the ICU for the next few days as they monitor and assess what went wrong. at this point we are looking at the various medications he is on and how they might be changed and adjusted. i am always torn in half. I am so relieved by nurses who go above and beyond and familiar, caring doctors who take us under their wings-again. and i am so annoyed by my familiarity with these faces and these hallways and this process. i hate that this familiarity has become comforting. no one should have spent enough time on that path from the ER to the ICU to have developed any fondness. i am also convicted that i have become used to michael being healthy. that i have taken his stability for granted. that i have not been so achingly grateful for his mild limitations for a while compared to the serious setbacks we have weathered before. i joked with him, not that he will remember (all sicknesses wipe his memory clean again), that he seems to have this passive aggressive avoidance of all holidays. He headed to the hospital originally for his birthday, then thanksgiving, then christmas eve, then he was home at easter i believe. but he headed back to the hospital to skip his birthday party and now again he has gotten out of thanksgiving. it makes me nervous about christmas.
i don’t even know what to pray for exactly… a right diagnosis? an inexplicable fluke? 2 different verses came to mind during the long seizure time. i shared with him that 1 corinthians verse reminding us that we are not our own but that we have been bought at a price. i am reminded that within the frustration of being trapped in a body that will not make sense or calm down or act logically, God still has charge. it is not our body truly and so it makes sense that it does not obey. but michael’s body belongs to God and he will make whatever sense with it that he desires. we need not try to grasp control away from the only One who can appropriately handle it. and secondly, i shared with him as he endured, unable to speak, the Romans verse which tells us that the spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. it was ok that michael couldn’t talk or voice his own needs or prayers. the spirit was most certainly appealing to the Father on mike’s behalf with no need of his help.
so happy thanksgiving, wherever you are and get to be. don’t gloss over the treasures that really hold value beyond our imagining. it is far from a childish answer to be thankful for health, for ability, for opportunity, for company, for grace. one last highlight–our neurosurgeon came to check on mike and was asking how things had been going and was utterly surprised that mike has been doing so well, even able to praticipate with his family. he shared that he had never thought he would get this far. it is always enlightening to hear an educated opinion of amazement. God’s coming through, you know. everyday, at home or hospitals.
joy, michelle

November 22, 2007 at 1:10 am 7 comments

11/7/07

I was just watching 10 minutes of the movie John Q where they tell this couple their child will soon die as his heart gives out & they cannot do surgery without paying in cash. I was sick as I finally realized how gargantuan maxing out on your million dollar insurance policy is. How insane to have been gifted with the means to pay each bill and not worry about our next meal (it’ll just show up on our porch, right?). How even in my deepest gratitude, I can never fully fathom the depths of God’s grace as he continues to care for us, calm us, challenge and lead us. How he has shown us his face in an army of prayer warriors who battle on even more than a year and a half later. I don’t know. Just hard to imagine facing this struggle and then not getting the very care your life depends on as the characters in that movie. it just highlights the magnitude of our blessings.
Anyhow, mike has had 2 checkups on the baclofen pump in his belly/spine. Like I said, he has no pain and he is visibly looser in his muscles but his stiffer leg while not hyperextended, still sticks out. Each appt they have increased the dosage 20%. The marianjoy doctor said that we will continue increasing 20% a week until mike’s leg is sitting where he wants it. He said that could hopefully be finished by Christmas. It is longer than I had hoped but it is hard to gripe about waiting when you have seen such miracles.
When the baclofen dosage is deciphered, we will look into tendon releases which is a surgery they would use to lengthen? taut tendons. I might be off in my understanding since it is still a distance away from now. But that might be next in the list of goals and then, maybe, we will get a crack back at marianjoy. But I could finagle no guarantees or even predictions from the doctor. So meanwhile we will simply do our best at home. Pray for mike’s perseverance, his vision, his purpose. Keep praying for grace for me. I think it might even work when you pray because I have felt overall better/nicer lately. Just thought I would let you know!
Thanks and praise, michelle

November 7, 2007 at 3:38 pm 9 comments


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