9/8/07 about 5 pm

September 8, 2007 at 4:50 pm 5 comments

mike is pretty much holding steady. some irregular pain every day. we are kind of just waiting for a september 25th consult appt with a doctor for the baclofen pump surgery. they will schedule surgery following the consult. mike is sharper than ever with his occasional comments and flashcards and wit. visitors always welcome.
my other thoughts…
I know I am oddly lucky in being provided regular measures of the summary of my life. I keep a box of encouraging notes that I can use as necessary during darker times. I got a couple recent additions this past month that have been sitting on my dresser waiting to find their spot in the box. I like that I left them out because I can reread them and be hit just as hard by the miracle of my life. The letter writers encouraged me, thanked me for my part in their lives. Every time I look at the words I cry again because it makes no sense. Even before mike’s hospitalization I was feeling spent, worn, used up in life. I felt like my life had less and less to offer as the days went by. mike’s sickness certainly drew sympathy but it only added to my sense of feeling stuck in a very appropriately self-absorbed chapter in life. Our every day was too full of responsibilities between mike and the kids, every single thing just seemed like it never received enough from me. Yet somehow God took my life from me and gave it away. I guess I am seeing that I have felt spent because I was spent. I am so overjoyed to read reminders that I have been well-spent. When I measure the summary of my life I want to see it well-spent on loving others for Christ. When I feel like a failure I want to realize that it has never been about me. I am not a sum of my parts. Because “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live but Christ lives in me”, my life amounts to much more than I would have guessed. I have failed in patience, in love, in responsibility, in worth. I have failed mike, our kids, family, ministry. Yet, he has made more than I have given. He has made it more than enough. He has made me more than enough. And I am still shocked and surprised that he would condescend to use such a jar of clay. With thanks, michelle

Entry filed under: updates.

8/15/07 2:45 pm 9/10/07 2007 Golf Outing

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. j zegarski  |  September 8, 2007 at 9:17 pm

    Michelle, If you only knew the names of those you have touched through your journey, you would be overwhelmed. Time and time again friends and family have approached me with “what an awesome daughter in law you have”. Your words have inspired them, even redirected some. Never have you been thought of as having been spent, but on the contrary you have constantly shown a position of strength. We are blessed to have you. We consider you as much our child as Mike is our child—grown, yes, but still ours. Everyone who prays for and has caring thoughts for Mike has those same caring thoughts and prayers for you. We love you more than you could ever imagine.

    Mom Z

  • 2. Emily  |  September 8, 2007 at 9:36 pm

    Wow….to read the beautiful words that you pour out of your heart into ours….I find myself watching the website daily for the Z updates, knowing how much I will gain from your insight, your unbelievable and unwavering faith….I am humbled by your honesty as you truly and VISIBLY live your life in service. I echo your mother in law – your words have inspired and redirected many.

    Mike seemed sooo good when Jeff and I stopped last Saturday…..I pray that the baclofen pump will have a very positive impact on his progress…

    May the Good Lord continue to bless you and keep you, and make His face shine upon you. You and Mike will particularly be on our minds Wednesday night as YoungLife kicks off at our house. How many young lives you CONTINUE to impact!



  • 3. matt and eli  |  September 9, 2007 at 7:06 pm

    Mike & Michelle,

    We have this website bookmarked on our computer and can not wait to hear the news from the Zegarski clan. We rejoice in the victories and we feel the pain and struggles.We thank you for your unbelievable honesty in everything that is going on. We miss you all dearly.

    As far as your post is concerned…it is very encouraging that despite our downfalls God is more than just enough…always. We pray for your family. But most of all we are encouraged by your family. Your testimony gives us life. Keep going.

    The Margaron’s

  • 4. Mike  |  September 12, 2007 at 4:04 pm

    You know my personality, so it is hard to say something let alone leave a comment. I feel as though I can speak to this subject. I would think I have more experience than most. I hope not, as you well know, not a race you want to win. I am still going to Marianjoy for OT. As frustrating as Marianjoy can be at times, their therapists are quite good. We check the Website regularly and try to keep up on Mike’s progress. If you ever question your value, you need to stop and think about how many people rely on you. Kay often gets frustrated and says there are just not enough hours in a day. As I think, it is a thankless job, but somebody has to do it. As with Kay, your raising two kids and you have to take care of Mike,in our case three kids. More than a full-time job. Kay often says a thank you would be nice. Thank yous don’t begin to scratch the surface, besides Mike and I would spend all our time on thank yous. I know how frustrating it can be watching everything around you and being unable to communicate with others. Unable or difficult at best. Hang in there. Tell Mike to keep working hard.
    Hope all is well,

  • 5. carol klein  |  October 23, 2007 at 7:27 am



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