Archive for September 8, 2007

9/8/07 about 5 pm

mike is pretty much holding steady. some irregular pain every day. we are kind of just waiting for a september 25th consult appt with a doctor for the baclofen pump surgery. they will schedule surgery following the consult. mike is sharper than ever with his occasional comments and flashcards and wit. visitors always welcome.
my other thoughts…
I know I am oddly lucky in being provided regular measures of the summary of my life. I keep a box of encouraging notes that I can use as necessary during darker times. I got a couple recent additions this past month that have been sitting on my dresser waiting to find their spot in the box. I like that I left them out because I can reread them and be hit just as hard by the miracle of my life. The letter writers encouraged me, thanked me for my part in their lives. Every time I look at the words I cry again because it makes no sense. Even before mike’s hospitalization I was feeling spent, worn, used up in life. I felt like my life had less and less to offer as the days went by. mike’s sickness certainly drew sympathy but it only added to my sense of feeling stuck in a very appropriately self-absorbed chapter in life. Our every day was too full of responsibilities between mike and the kids, every single thing just seemed like it never received enough from me. Yet somehow God took my life from me and gave it away. I guess I am seeing that I have felt spent because I was spent. I am so overjoyed to read reminders that I have been well-spent. When I measure the summary of my life I want to see it well-spent on loving others for Christ. When I feel like a failure I want to realize that it has never been about me. I am not a sum of my parts. Because “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live but Christ lives in me”, my life amounts to much more than I would have guessed. I have failed in patience, in love, in responsibility, in worth. I have failed mike, our kids, family, ministry. Yet, he has made more than I have given. He has made it more than enough. He has made me more than enough. And I am still shocked and surprised that he would condescend to use such a jar of clay. With thanks, michelle

September 8, 2007 at 4:50 pm 5 comments


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