Archive for September 5, 2006

9/4/06

i rented The End of the Spear to watch with mike but he was only nominally interested in a movie today so i finished watching it myself. i was reminded of how excited i get when i read elizabeth elliot’s Through Gates of Splendor. I read through some if it a few years ago with a favorite Young Life alumni home for the summer and that time decided to highlight favorite passages from the diaries of these 5 men who risked and died in their adventure to share the story of Christ with an indigenous people in the Amazon. Every time i remember this witness i wonder about our own tame faith here in comfort. we so rarely risk anything for the Lord’s use. i paged through my old book and found this quote from Ed McCully writing to his fiancee, “When you pray, ask the Lord definitely to show us where he wants us to spend our lives, and that we’ll be willing to spend them there, even anxious to.”
What a difficult prayer when i consider it. am i willing to say that this sickness of mike’s, this hospitalization, this very long recovery is a place where God could be using us as we spend our lives here in this moment? Would i have prayed that God would show us a hard place to spend our lives and been trusting enough to look forward to this hard place as God’s calling to use us? i do not presume to know whether this was all God’s perfect intention for us to experience this but i have no doubt that he is at work within this place in our lives right now. and if God is at work here, shall our attitudes be discouraged or anxious or self-centered? or can we be eager to spend our lives, to use them up, to give them away, today, in waiting for healing and strength, in coping with endless visits and logistics and plans, in allowing God all the time and opportunity he wants to work in and through our lives?
that is a lot of mumbo jumbo to say… it is hard, i am sure to be mike. it is hard to see mike and experience the slowness of this road with him. it is hard to slow down and simply allow the frustration to sink in instead of leaping ahead with our human plans and expectations and encouragements. Some would say those missionaries were idiots to give up their lives on a nonsense whim of God’s calling. i often presume that we just need to get through this. recovery time with mike. but my heart tonight says, slow down. live in the hardship of today and see what God has for today. he is not always at work for a result. God seems to like to work in the hard struggles as much as the redeeming ends. i pray that God is at work in the slowness of today. that this slow pace is not wasted but is still evidence of God’s perfect timing. God is good. all the time. i pray that mike and i, our families and friends, are eager as we spend our lives here today, in prayer, in patience, in waiting, in trusting.
mike is doing well. he is at manorcare still, getting therapy, receiving visitors. his fevers have been controlled by the antibiotics he is getting. he is moving limbs, sometimes mumbling or mouthing words through the trach. he is responsive and alert most of the time. thanks always for your care, for your persistent prayer –       michelle

September 5, 2006 at 6:49 pm 12 comments


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